


Secrets

by xmyp, yeobotokki



Category: SS501
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-04
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:44:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xmyp/pseuds/xmyp, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeobotokki/pseuds/yeobotokki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyunjoong's been keeping secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Youngsaeng spread out his arms on the sheets and slid his hands up under the pillow his head rested against and smiled up at the man above him.  
  
"You're always so amazing," he whispered. Hyunjoong smiled down at him and kissed him softly before pulling away and laying on his back beside the younger one with a sigh. Youngsaeng turned under the sheets and rose up on his elbow, a hand running over Hyunjoong's chest.   
  
"Now tell me your secret," he whispered, pressing kisses to the older one's lips.  
  
Hyunjoong's eyes opened and he looked up at the younger one seriously. "I don't want to...not now..."  
  
Youngsaeng pouted. "Please? You never keep secrets from me. I don't like it."  
  
Hyunjoong rubbed his face and groaned then took Youngsaeng's hand and sat up with him. Youngsaeng looked at him expectantly, waiting. Hyunjoong swallowed hard, feeling his stomach starting to tighten, his throat trying to close up, but he willed his anxiety to go away and forced out the words almost silently.  
  
"I'm getting married."  
  
Youngsaeng sat frozen in disbelief, his eyes falling to the sheets. He lay back on the bed and turned onto his side, watching the droplets of rain roll down the glass of the window. He felt arms slide around his middle and he chewed on the inside of his cheek.   
  
"Saengie..."  
  
"Do you love her?"  
  
There was silence for a moment, then a slow inhale as Hyunjoong rested his chin on the other's shoulder.  
  
"Not really...I love you."  
  
"Then why are you doing it?"  
  
Hyunjoong was quiet again before he turned his forehead against Youngsaeng's neck.  
  
"It's what's expected, Saengie."  
  
"What about what I expected? What about all the promises you made to me? Suddenly they don't matter? Suddenly..."  
  
"Hey..." Hyunjoong gently turned Youngsaeng to look at him. "Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean that I don't love you, that I'm not going to keep those promises. It's what I have to do, not what I want to do..."  
  
Youngsaeng looked up at him. "Since when have you ever done anything that's been expected of you?"  
  
Hyunjoong was quiet and looked away.  
  
"Saeng--"  
  
"Just don't. When is it?"  
  
Hyunjoong hung his head and winced, but said nothing.  
  
"Hyunjoong..."  
  
The older one looked at Youngsaeng for a moment before looking away again.  
  
"The twenty-third."   
  
"What?" Youngsaeng whispered. "Like in two weeks, the twenty-third?"  
  
Hyunjoong groaned and fell to his back, covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to keep it from you but every time I would come over," he sat up and put his hands on Youngsaeng's shoulders, "I would see you and just couldn't say anything because you...your happiness is everything to me and I didn't want to tell you and have you hate me and I don't want you to cry. I won't be able to live with myself if..."  
  
Youngsaeng pulled Hyunjoong's hands off his shoulders and sat up as well, his head down.  
  
"Saeng I need you...I need you there...with me..."   
  
Youngsaeng looked at him quickly. "What?"  
  
"Please, Saengie...please...I want you...as..." Hyunjoong looked down and took a deep breath. "My best man."  
  
Youngsaeng was silent, causing the older one to look up at him sheepishly, wishing he hadn't.   
  
"Best man..." The younger one laughed ruefully under his breath while a tear fell from his cheek to the sheet. "I guess that really sums up four years of whatever this was."  
  
Hyunjoong brought his hand up to gently stroke at Youngsaeng's arm, but the younger moved his arm away.  
  
"How long have you been sleeping with her?"   
  
"Never, I never slept with her, only you..."  
  
"Right. Like you never kept anything from me." Youngsaeng turned and looked at him with as much of a glare as he could muster while holding back his emotions. "Why are you still here?"  
  
"Because I don't want to leave you," Hyunjoong whispered. Youngsaeng shook his head.  
  
"You already left me."  
  
Hyunjoong shook his head and started to speak but Youngsaeng stood and flung Hyunjoong's jeans and shirt at him, pointing to the bedroom door.  
  
"Get out," Youngsaeng whispered.  
  
"Saeng..."  
  
"Get out!"  
  
Hyunjoong looked at him helplessly before standing and pulling on his clothes.   
  
"I do love you, Saengie...that's never changed..."  
  
Youngsaeng turned and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind him and Hyunjoong realized it hurt more to have someone shut a door carefully in pain than slam it in anger.  
  
~  
  
"I don't care where you put it, Joo Eun, just put it somewhere."  
  
Joo Eun looked at Hyunjoong and frowned, hanging up a wall decoration in the hall where their reception would be held.  
  
"You know you've been really different for the past few days...what happened between you and Youngsaeng-oppa?"   
  
Hyunjoong rolled his eyes and stood up. "He can't be my best man, that's all. Look, I'm really not in the mood to mess with this today, at least not right now. I'm going to go home and sleep."   
  
"Hyunjoongie..." Joo Eun pouted. Hyunjoong looked at her and sighed, walking over to her and hugging her tightly.  
  
"I'm sorry, I've just got a lot on my mind right now..."  
  
"Ne...it must be stressful for you...go sleep, go get rest and I'll work here a little bit longer then check in on you a little later."  
  
"Alright," Hyunjoong nodded, giving Joo Eun as much of a genuine smile as he could muster before turning and leaving the hall. When he got home he changed and fell into bed on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow.  
  
He hadn't lied when he had told Youngsaeng that he had never slept with anyone but him and the older one's pillows smelled enough like Youngsaeng's conditioner to prove it. He turned onto his back and sighed, jumping slightly when his phone buzzed on his nightstand.  
  
He looked at it and paused.   
  
 _1 New Text Message  
Youngsaeng_  
  
He opened the message quickly and read the few words over and over.  
  
 _I'll be there._  
  
Hyunjoong closed his phone and lay back on the bed again, taking everything in before he quickly found Youngsaeng in his recent calls and pressed send. He frowned when he got almost immediately redirected to voicemail. He hung up and tried again, only to get the same result four more times. He closed the phone and tossed it onto the bed roughly.  
  
When the phone buzzed again he snatched it up just as roughly as he had tossed it down, looking at the new text message he got.  
  
 _If I wanted to talk to you on the phone I would have called you._  
  
Hyunjoong hit reply and turned over.  
  
 _I need to hear your voice, Saeng._  
  
He sent the message and closed his eyes, waiting. After a while he opened his eyes and stared at the screen before sending another text.  
  
 _I miss you._  
  
He waited, eyes fixed on his phone, but nothing ever came. When he checked the time, three hours had passed and he decided hat wasn't acceptable to him. He got up and changed clothes and headed to Youngsaeng's apartment. He needed to hear and see him, needed to be with him, to know what he was feeling and thinking. They'd been together so long it felt so unnatural to be apart from each other when something this big was going on between them.  
  
When he got to the apartment building he sat in his car for a while, debating. Should he go up or go home? He lifted his eyes up to the windows of the building and saw that the main light in Youngsaeng's apartment was off, but there was still light coming through the curtains. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and gripped his steering wheel, starting the car again. Immediately he shut the car off, pulled the key out of the ignition and got out, walking quickly toward the building.  
  
Things had to change, things didn't need to end on this note. What they had was never supposed to end anyway. Had things ended? Neither of them had actually said it was over.   
  
Hyunjoong skipped the elevator and took the five flights of stairs, walking hesitantly toward the door of the apartment. Once he reached the door he stared at it. Rehearsing things to say, thinking up scenarios to be prepared for anything. He reached into his pocket for the key and stopped, lifting his hand to press the buzzer instead.  
  
He was about to press the button again when he heard the slide of the lock on the other side of the door. He cleared his throat and looked at his shoes, as the door opened, looking up only to step back a little.  
  
"Kyujong."  
  
Kyujong was dressed comfortably, a sign that he’d been there a while and was probably staying. Hyunjoong’s fist clenched at his sides subconsciously.   
  
“Hyunjoong-ssi... what are you doing here?” The soft voice was sincere in it’s surprise.   
  
“I came to talk to Youngsaeng, what are you doing here?” Hyunjoong’s eyes flicked past him into the apartment and he moved forward, attempting to go in.   
  
Kyujong sighed and stepped into a pair of shoes, moving outside and pulling the door closed behind him, blocking Hyunjoong from entering. “He didn’t say you were coming.”  
  
“I come and go here as I please,” Hyunjoong said, giving Kyujong a once-over and crossing his arms. “He didn’t say you were going to be here.”  
  
Kyujong mimicked the other’s move with a huff and a glare. “I doubt he’s said much of anything to you.”  
  
“And what we say and how often we say it to each other is none of your business.” Hyunjoong moved past him and grabbed the door handle, turning it and pushing it open.   
  
“Yah!” Kyujong grabbed him by the arm, pulling him away from the door and pushing him back roughly. “He doesn’t  _want_  to see you. What’s so hard to believe about that? Leave him alone.”  
  
“Well I need to see him,” Hyunjoong said back, grabbing Kyujong’s shirt and hauling him to the side, going into the apartment while Kyujong worked to right himself.   
  
Kyujong hurried after him, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and flinging him back several steps. “You  _won’t_  see him unless he wants to be seen.”   
  
Hyunjoong growled and slammed Kyujong against the wall just inside the apartment door. “Stay out of my way. I’m in no mood to mess around with you.”   
  
Kyujong stayed back, sensing the threatening tone, and let the older man move further into the apartment before following him to Youngsaeng’s bedroom.  
  
Hyunjoong knocked once before trying the handle, only to find it locked. He sighed and spared an annoyed glance at Kyujong before trying the handle once again. When it didn’t give way he frowned.  
  
“Saengie...Saengie don’t do this...”   
  
There was silence from the other side of the door, only faint footsteps could be heard after a moment.  
  
“Open the door, Saengie...” Hyunjoong waited and bit his bottom lip in frustration. “Has it come to this? Really? This is stupid, Saeng. Talk to me, please.”   
  
Inside the bedroom, Youngsaeng fretted, he wasn’t ready for this yet. He sat on the edge of the bed, his face in his palms as he contemplated how he should respond.   
  
Kyujong scoffed at Hyunjoong’s back. “You’re wasting your time. He’s not going to talk to you.”  
  
Hyunjoong turned slowly and glared at him. “Will you kindly shut your fucking mouth or get out? You are really the last person I expected or ever wanted to see here and I’m in just the mood to make sure you never come back.”   
  
Kyujong was taken aback, and more than a little pissed off. Just as he started to speak, a small click was heard, making both of them turn to look at the door. Hyunjoong waited for a second and when nothing else happened he glared again at Kyujong and turned the knob. He relaxed a little as it gave way and opened the door slowly.  
  
“Saeng?”   
  
The man in question stayed with his back turned, picking up random papers off his desk and pretending to be interested in them, a small hum being his only response to Hyunjoong.  
  
“Saeng,” Hyunjoong repeated, moving over cautiously. “I love you, please don’t make this wall between us thicker than it already is.”   
  
A bitter smile flitted across Youngsaeng’s face before it was gone again. “‘Us’? That’s interesting.”   
  
Hyunjoong paused for a moment, staring at Youngsaeng’s back before he closed the distance between them and pulled Youngsaeng into his arms, pulling the papers from his hands and tossing them to the desk.   
  
“Yes, ‘us’,” Hyunjoong whispered. “You and me.”   
  
Youngsaeng fought to keep his voice steady as he replied, staring at the fallen papers on the desk. “Don’t do this to me, please...just stop.”  
  
“I can’t stop, I never will, Youngsaeng, because I love you. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.” Hyunjoong lifted the younger one’s chin to look him in the eye, noting the dark circles underneath. “I can’t be apart from you like this...”   
  
Youngsaeng closed his eyes, unable to keep the contact. He knew he was losing his composure fast. “You’re getting married.” He pushed at the other’s arms. “There’s no room for thirds in a marriage.”  
  
Hyunjoong only tightened his hold around the other, his chest tightening at being blocked out. He rested his forehead against Youngsaeng’s and swallowed, not talking for fear of falling apart completely.   
  
“It’s just paper...” He forced out, voice breaking a little as he closed his own eyes, failing at keeping his own resolve.   
  
“No...It’s marriage. It’s a wedding. It’s a wife and kids and a white picket fence.” Youngsaeng thought to try to remove himself from the other’s arms but knew he wouldn’t be able to if he tried. “I can’t... I can’t be this for you. I can’t be whatever it is you want me to be.”  
  
Hyunjoong dropped to his knees and burrowed his face against Youngsaeng’s stomach, arms still tight around him. “Please, please Saengie. I can’t live without you, I don’t want to live without you, it’s impossible. I’ve been miserable and it’s only been four days. I need you.”  
  
A tear slipped down Youngsaeng’s cheek, his eyes blurring as he bit his lip, his hands resting on Hyunjoong’s shoulders. “H-have you thought,  _at all_ , about what this is doing to me?” His voice was strained as he spoke, his hands tightening where they rested.  
  
“Every day. Why do you think I kept putting it off?” Hyunjoong looked up at him. “I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t want you to hurt, I know you hurt, I hurt. It’s all gotten so out of hand I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know what to do and the more I’m apart from you the less I can think clearly,” he murmured. “I can’t function without you. I can’t make decisions without you, obviously. Look what I’ve gotten myself into. Saengie...”  
  
Saeng reached a hand up to brush away a few stray tears, his hands shaking from barely restrained emotions. “What about me? What happens to me? How can I just  _watch_  you marry someone else?” He felt a dull throb in his chest as he spoke the words.  
  
Hyunjoong gently took Youngsaeng’s hands and pulled him down against him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “I’m sorry. I really don’t want you to have to. I don’t want to do it...”   
  
“But you’re going to...” Youngsaeng trailed off softly.  
  
Hyunjoong closed his eyes and buried his face in Youngsaeng’s neck. “Please, Saengie, I need you,” he whispered. “Please...”   
  
Youngsaeng clutched the front of Hyunjoong’s shirt, his eyes overflowing with tears at this point, his body shaking. “Joongie... please don’t do this...please don’t...” His arms wrapped around the older man on their own, holding him tight. “I’ll do anything...” He choked on a sob.  
  
“I-I can’t back out now, it’s so close. I’ve already made promises, things are already arranged...please, please just...please...”  
  
Youngsaeng cried silently into Hyunjoong’s shoulder for time before pulling away slightly and wiping his eyes, not looking at the other man. “I’ll do whatever you want...” He clasped his hands together in his lap, focusing on them intently.  
  
“I love you, so much more than anything or anyone...” Hyunjoong took Youngsaeng’s hands in his and bent his head to look into the younger one’s eyes. “I won’t stop,” he whispered.   
  
Youngsaeng nodded slowly, smiling sadly, “I love you, too. This hurts so so much, but I love you. I want you to be happy... I’ll do whatever I have to do to make you happy.”  
  
“You’ve always made me happy. Always.” Hyunjoong ran his thumb across the younger one’s cheek and brushed away his tears before leaning in and kissing him softly. “You’re the only one that knows how to make me happy.”   
  
Youngsaeng sighed quietly, feeling defeated and exhausted from crying and lack of sleep. He turned his head to glance at the bed before looking back at Hyunjoong.   
  
Hyunjoong’s eyes followed Youngsaeng’s and he looked at the floor. “Is Kyujong staying?”   
  
Youngsaeng frowned. “He was worried about me.” He looked to the door, which had been closed at some point without them knowing it. “Nothing happened.”  
  
“I never asked that,” Hyunjoong whispered. “If you want me to go I will go, just please don’t cut yourself off from me.”   
  
Youngsaeng brushed a hand along Hyunjoong’s cheek. “He stayed with me because I couldn’t stand being alone. I didn’t trust myself to be alone.” He bent forward to plant a kiss on dry lips, “Please stay with me. Don’t leave me alone.”  
  
Hyunjoong pulled him close and kissed him deeply before pulling away and letting out a long sigh. “I won’t. I never will. I can’t...” He looked back at the bed for a second then stood, pulling Youngsaeng up with him and walking over to it. He paused and turned toward the door. “What about Kyujong?”   
  
“Stay here, I’ll go send him home.” Youngsaeng pecked him on the lips quickly before moving out of the room, leaving the door open as a sign of his quick return. After a little protest from Kyujong, a hug and a ‘thank you’ later he returned to the bedroom. Hyunjoong was waiting for him on the bed, the covers pulled down for him. He couldn’t help but smile.  
  
Hyunjoong held his hand out and Youngsaeng took it, crawling onto the bed and over to lay next to him. Hyunjoong brought the covers over them and pulled the younger one closer to him, sliding his hands over Youngsaeng’s arms and back, his nose tucked against Youngsaeng’s neck.  
  
"Mianhae, Saengie."  
  
Youngsaeng’s arm curled around Hyunjoong’s back, his legs moving to tangle with the other’s. “I forgive you...” He pressed a kiss to his lover’s neck then rested his head on the pillow, his eyes closing immediately.  
  
Hyunjoong held him close and listened to his breathing, which evened out quickly. He hated himself for getting caught up in this mess. He hated the pain he caused, the way Youngsaeng lost sleep over it, the way he compromised everything to satisfy a few people when he only ever wanted to satsify the one he was holding.


	2. Chapter 2

Hyunjoong sat on the couch, head resting against the back of it and arm over his face. Joo Eun sat next to him, her knees pulled up and chin resting on them as she waited for Hyunjoong to say what he needed to say.  
  
After a while Hyunjoong dropped his arm and looked at the ceiling before turning his head to look at her.  
  
“I just can’t, Joo...” he whispered. Joo Eun furrowed her brows and tilted her head a little.  
  
“Can’t what Joongie?”  
  
Hyunjoong let out a long breath and leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he inspected his hands.   
  
“I have to be honest with you, Joo Eun...I can’t keep things buried inside me anymore, I can’t keep things a secret anymore.”  
  
“What things?”  
  
Hyunjoong looked at her and cleared his throat a little. “Honestly...I am in love with someone else,” he whispered.  
  
Joo Eun’s face fell and she looked away. “You’re cheating on me?”  
  
Hyunjoong let out a small laugh and shook his head, looking at his hands again. “No, actually I’m cheating on someone else with you.” He saw Joo Eun look back at him in shock out of the corner of his eye.   
  
“What?” Joo Eun asked. “You’re cheating on someone else with me? But I thought you weren’t seeing anyone else?”  
  
“It’s not exactly like I can...tell everyone I’m seeing this person. It’s truly a secret. You’re one of maybe four people who know it.”  
  
“But why is it a secret?”  
  
Hyunjoong bit his lip for a moment and swallowed hard. “It’s a secret because...if people found out it could ruin both of our lives. Well, maybe not our lives, I’m sure it would be easier on us if we didn’t have to keep it a secret, but it would be really difficult to be seen in public without getting a lot of negative attention.”  
  
She eyed him wearily for a moment before speaking, “Do I know them?”  
  
“Not really. But you have met.” Hyunjoong nodded. “Recently...” he added a few moments later.  
  
“I’ve met a lot of people recently, first your family and then some of your friends,” She thought for a moment before gasping quietly, “Is it _Yoona_?”  
  
Hyunjoong let out another small laugh and shook his head again. “Definitely not. By recently I mean this week, Joo.” Hyunjoong sat back again with a sigh and rubbed his eyes.   
  
“Well...who have I met this week?” She posed the question more to herself than to him. “Would you even tell me if I guessed right?”  
  
“I would. I’ve only introduced you to one person this week. And it was the hardest introduction of my life.”  
  
She didn’t have to think about it anymore, the past week suddenly coming into focus. Her gasp was slightly louder this time. “You mean...You mean Youngsaeng?”   
  
Hyunjoong closed his eyes and nodded. “Yes, I mean Youngsaeng.”   
  
“But I thought... that he was just your friend.” She wrung her hands in her lap, unsure how to react to the news.  
  
Hyunjoong looked back at the ceiling before speaking again. “It’s been about four years since Youngsaeng was just my friend.” Hyunjoong sat up again and put his face in his hands. “I can’t deal with the stress of all of this. I really can’t.”   
  
Joo Eun’s head fell as she took in the information. “Why did you agree to this,” she took a deep breath, “if you were already with someone?”   
  
Hyunjoong shook his head and shrugged. “I wanted to do something right by my family. I really had every intention of following through but then reality hit and when I went to tell Youngsaeng about it I just couldn’t and everything blew up and I realized there were just things I couldn’t do. Things I didn’t want to do. And watching him fall apart...I hate myself for it, I really do. And I hate that I’ve hurt you. I hate that I lied to both of you. I hate the whole situation.”   
  
She sighed heavily, not knowing what to say at first. After several long minutes she finally spoke, her voice steady, “What are you going to do then?”   
  
“Joo Eun I just...can’t. I made so many promises to Youngsaeng. The more I think about those promises the more I want to fulfil them even more than before. I don’t want to spend my life with someone I like, even if I like them a whole lot. I want to spend my life with someone I love, and I love Youngsaeng completely. The only person I could ever marry is Youngsaeng.”   
  
She pressed a palm to her forehead but quickly dropped it, masking her disappointment of rejection with a soft smile. “How are we going to tell the families?”   
  
“I don’t know. We talked it over and we aren’t as compatible as we thought we were?”  
  
She grumbled something to herself before nodding. “That may be true, but this wasn’t exactly about compatibility, was it?”   
  
Hyunjoong sighed and shook his head slowly. “It really wasn’t. I will say this though...I really do believe you are the only girl I could have ever married. You’re an amazing person, you’re very kind and thoughtful and smart and very beautiful and talented. I really wanted to make you happy, but I know that as long as I’m in love with someone else, I’ll never be able to. I want you to find happiness with someone who can truly love you like you should be loved.”   
  
She let a small smirk play on her lips, “I want the same thing.” She reached over and grabbed one of his hands, lacing their fingers together, directing a sincere look at him. “I’ll help you however I can.”  
  
~  
  
“You don’t have any rehearsal or anything to go to?” Youngsaeng asked, sitting a plate of spaghetti in front of Hyunjoong.  
  
“We already did it today. That’s where I was this morning, remember?”  
  
“Oh, right. I forgot.” Youngsaeng turned away to get himself a plate of food and Hyunjoong grinned at his back before quickly wiping the smile from his face and eating.  
  
“This is really good. You know...the bachelor party is tomorrow. I mean I don’t think you would want to go but...you know...you can, if you want.”  
  
Youngsaeng kept a straight face as he sat down in front of the other, trying not to frown. “Ani, I think I’ll stay in.”  
  
Hyunjoong let out a sigh and took a drink of his tea. “I had a feeling you’d say that.” He ate a little more and looked up at the one across from him. “I love you, Saengie,” he said quietly.   
  
Youngsaeng forced a small smile before returning the words in an equally soft tone, “I love you, too, Joongie.”   
  
Hyunjoong didn’t miss how Youngsaeng’s smile didn’t make it to his eyes, and it hurt him to know that he had made things the way they were, made Youngsaeng hurt like this. He took another drink and made himself finish eating before he pushed his plate away a little.   
“Are you sure you don’t want to come tomorrow?”  
  
“Ne,” Youngsaeng directed his attention to finishing his meal before sitting back in his chair. “I’ll be fine here. You should go have a good time.”  
  
Hyunjoong leaned against the table. “Well I hate to tell you, but I can’t have fun without you.”  
  
A real smile almost reached Youngsaeng’s lips before he pushed his chair back, picking both of their plates up and walking them to the sink. “I’m sure you won’t even realize I’m not there after a couple of drinks,” he said, throwing another smile at Hyunjoong over his shoulder.  
  
Hyunjoong scoffed and gave Youngsaeng’s back a disbelieving look. “What are you insinuating here?” he asked, scooting his chair back and getting up to walk over behind Youngsaeng and turn him around.   
  
Youngsaeng acted startled for a second before grinning. “Just that you tend to forget quite a bit when you’re under the influence.” He rested his hands on the elder’s waist. “You remember that one time in the karaoke bar?”  
  
Hyunjoong let his head fall back with a laugh before he looked at Youngsaeng again. “You’re never going to let that die are you?”   
  
Youngsaeng chuckled softly. “Not a chance.” His grip tightened and loosened quickly.  
  
“I guess I deserve it. But in my defense, that place was confusing.” Hyunjoong slid his arm over Youngsaeng’s shoulder and walked him to the living room. “But I promise even if I passed out in the wrong booth, I was thinking about you.”   
  
Youngsaeng’s smile widened slightly before softening again. “So you say.”  
  
“I say and I truth.” Hyunjoong plopped down on the other’s couch and pulled Youngsaeng into his lap. “I want to stay tonight, can I?” he asked. “I want to spend every moment with you that I possibly can,” he whispered.   
  
Youngsaeng nodded, one of his arms wrapping around the other’s neck. “You can stay.” He left off ‘tonight’, hoping that the other would pick up on his silent plea. He’d already begged once, he had promised himself that he wouldn’t do it again. He didn’t want to make it any harder for the one he loved.  
  
“Then I will,” Hyunjoong smiled, kissing Youngsaeng’s cheek. “And I tell you what. You can put me on a leash and order me around and treat me terribly all night if you want.”  
  
The younger looked at him in surprise before laughing loudly. After he stopped, he reached his free hand up to touch Hyunjoong’s cheek, pulling slightly for the other to face him. He looked into the other’s eyes for a second, his voice soft as he spoke. “Why would I want to do something like that?” He closed the distance between them, kissing Hyunjoong softly at first and then deepening the kiss.  
  
“Why not? It might be fun.” Hyunjoong grinned and kissed him back before pulling away and chuckling. “You taste like dinner.”   
  
“So do you,” Youngsaeng teased, sticking his tongue out. His arm around the other’s neck loosened then and he fell back onto the couch, letting out a puff of air as he stared up at the ceiling.   
  
Hyunjoong looked down at him and rested his hand on Youngsaeng’s stomach, drumming his fingers lightly, pulling the hem of the shirt up slowly every time. “What are you thinking about? I bet you’re imagining me on a leash.”   
  
Youngsaeng leaned up slightly, grabbing the front of Hyunjoong’s shirt and pulling him down towards him, “Ani, you don’t need a leash.” He said with a smirk.  
  
“Ah, so you’re just going to...order me around and treat me terribly all night long without a leash then?” Hyunjoong grinned.  
  
Youngsaeng frowned then. “I wouldn’t do the latter.”  
  
“By terribly I mean badly. And by badly I mean so good it’s bad.”   
  
Youngsaeng pouted briefly before relaxing his face. “If that’s what you want, I guess...”  
  
“I think I need some discipline.” Hyunjoong nodded. “I haven’t been a very good boy lately.”   
  
A sarcastically sweet smile flitted across the younger man’s face. “You haven’t, have you?”  
  
“No, I’ve been terrible.”  
  
“Yes you have. Go to your room.”  
  
Hyunjoong grinned and sat up. “What if I don’t?”  
  
“You better if you know what’s good for you.” Youngsaeng said, eyes narrowed. Hyunjoong held his hands up and stood, walking down the hall.  
  
“Don’t go easy on me.” He called behind him.   
  
Youngsaeng sat up and looked around the living room for a second before standing and walking down the hall. “You better be naked when I get there.”  
  
~  
  
“So how is secret-keeping going for you?” Jaejoong asked, handing Hyunjoong the bottle of vodka and a glass.   
  
“Very well. He has no clue. It really sucks to see him still hurting, though.”   
  
“I’m sure it does.”  
  
“I almost told him yesterday when he got this really sad look on his face. I hate it when he pouts. I hate it.” Hyunjoong mixed up a drink and passed it to Jaejoong.  
  
“Well it will all be over in the morning.”  
  
Hyunjoong sighed and made himself a drink. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”  
  
Jaejoong shook his head, taking a drink from the glass his friend had made him. “You’re crazy if you think he’s going to leave you for not marrying her.”  
  
“I’m afraid he’s going to be really mad at me for not telling him as soon as it was called off.”  
  
“Well I’m sure he’s going to be upset about that, but he’s not going to leave you for it. Don’t be so dramatic, Joongie.”   
  
“Well, Joongie, you’re one to talk.”  
  
Jaejoong narrowed his eyes at the guy and took another drink.   
  
“Don’t look at me like I’m wrong.”  
  
“Shut up and drink, Hyunjoong.”  
  
“Drink, but don’t get drunk, drink, but don’t get drunk.” Hyunjoong muttered.   
  
“Excuse me?” Jaejoong cackled. “You? Not getting drunk? It will be a miracle.”  
  
“I’m not going to. I know if I do, I’ll end up telling him tonight. I can’t tell him.” Hyunjoong closed the vodka bottle and wiped down the counter with a towel.   
  
Jaejoong tried to supress another laugh. “Then I will make sure you don’t...get drunk...”  
  
Hyunjoong tossed the towel at his best friend and shook his head. “Shut up and drink, Jaejoong.”  
  
~  
  
When Hyunjoong made it back to Youngsaeng’s apartment, he let himself in quietly and put on his act, noting that it was close to two in the morning. He drank just enough to smell like it and get a decent buzz, but as he promised himself, he didn’t get drunk.  
  
He slipped off his shoes and rearranged himself so that his shirt was half untucked and rubbed his eyes for a minute to make sure they were decently red, then carefully walked through the apartment to the bedroom, peeking in to make sure Youngsaeng was asleep before he turned on his act and let his hand fall against the door, sliding himself against it to get it open.   
  
“Ssssssssaengieeee...” he slurred, stumbling half on purpose half on accident to the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head and crawled onto the blankets, laying on top of the guy sleeping peacefully. “Saengieeeeeee!”  
  
Youngsaeng groaned sleepily before suddenly snapping awake, peering up at the other through narrowed eyes. He flicked his gaze to the clock quickly before clearing his throat. “Are you drunk?” He could smell the alcohol on Hyunjoong’s breath, but decided to ask just to be sure.  
  
“Are you really an otter? You’re not that furry...”   
  
Youngsaeng groaned again, “You are.” He flung an arm over his eyes.  
  
Hyunjoong ran his tongue across the skin of Youngsaeng’s arm before biting down on it. “‘s okay, Saengie...” He rolled to the side and made a lot of movement against the bed to get under the covers and halfway onto Youngsaeng’s body again, his hand rubbing immediately at Youngsaeng’s crotch. “We can still have fun if I’m completely wasted.”   
  
Youngsaeng moaned despite himself, reaching down to grab Hyunjoong’s wrist. “You’ll forget.” He said, barely above a whisper.   
  
Hyunjoong pretended to not hear him and wiggled his wrist free. “Just too many clothes...” he pulled Youngsaeng’s hand to him and put it inside his pants. “Don’t you think?”   
  
Youngsaeng sighed, realizing quickly that it would just be best to give in. He moved both his hands to the top of Hyunjoong’s pants, pushing them and his boxers down as far as he could reach. “Off,” he said.  
  
“Feisty~” Hyunjoong grinned, kicking off his clothes and pulled hard on one of Youngsaeng’s nipples before biting at it and shoving his hand into the other’s boxers to push them away. “I like you feisty.”   
  
Youngsaeng rolled his eyes so the other couldn’t see him and reached down, stroking Hyunjoong’s length lazily. He was still half asleep, after all.  
  
Hyunjoong pulled himself over the other and grabbed at Youngsaeng’s thighs, pulling the younger one’s legs around his middle. “You’re...really feisty sometimes...” Hyunjoong said, hips pressing against Youngsaeng’s before he relaxed against him completely.   
  
“ _Yah_ ,” Youngsaeng half whispered, half growled. He shook the other’s shoulder weakly before huffing and letting his arm drop to the sheets. “Of course you would pass out.” He let his other arm wrap around Hyunjoong, his hand moving up and down the other’s back for a minute. He shifted slightly to see Hyunjoong’s face in the dark, reaching a hand to brush stray pieces of hair away. “I love you so much...” He sighed softly, kissing the older man’s brow before letting his hands falling away.  
  
Hyunjoong willed himself to keep this act up even if it was killing him. He stayed there until he was certain Youngsaeng had fallen asleep again. He let out a slow exhale and slid off of Youngsaeng’s body to lay on his side next to him, arm draped across his middle.   
  
“I love you, too, Saengie,” he whispered. He forced himself to actually sleep even though he found it difficult and ended up cat-napping most of the night, waking up to look at the clock and doze some more until morning came, when he finally fell asleep for good.   
  
~  
  
Youngsaeng awoke with a start, the bright light in the room telling him it was well into the morning if not later. He uncurled himself from Hyunjoong’s body just enough to see the his clock, cursing under his breath as he realized the alarm failed.   
  
He turned back to the other, shaking him gently at first and then rougher. “Joongie,” He poked him in the ribs. “Hyunjoong! We’re going to be late, wake up!”  
  
Hyunjoong remained completely oblivious, so deep in sleep that he felt nothing at all until he felt a hand land against his stomach with a shock of pain jolting through him and even then he merely jerked a little and turned over.   
  
Youngsaeng growled in frustration, throwing back the covers and climbing out of bed, moving to the bathroom quickly and coming back with a glass of water.  
  
“Hyunjoong, if you’re awake you better stop acting now.” After gaining no response, he tipped the glass over the other’s face, wincing as water spread all over his sheets as well.   
  
Hyunjooong sat up quickly, arms flailing a little, head running into the glass in Youngsaeng’s hand. The older one’s hand moved to grab his head as he fell back, then he jerked up again at the cold sheets against his back.  
  
“Th’fuck...” he grumbled.   
  
Youngsaeng deposited the glass to the nightstand before grabbing Hyunjoong’s arms, pulling him out of the bed and onto his feet. “You’re going to be late. My alarm didn’t go off.” He moved the other to lean against the wall before moving back to the bed, yanking the wet sheets off and throwing them to the floor.  
  
Hyunjoong leaned against the wall and furrowed his brow at the younger one. “Late f’what?”  
  
Youngsaeng pursed his lips before gripping the other’s wrist again. “Your wedding.” He lead him to the bathroom, turning on the shower before stepping away. “Go ahead and take a bath and brush your teeth. Does your head hurt? I’ll get you some medicine.”  
  
“Of course it hurts, you assaulted me with a glass.” Hyunjoong grimaced, managing to get into the shower without falling over.   
  
Youngsaeng winced. “Sorry about that, do you feel sick from last night? Do I need to get you something for that too?” He left the bathroom, knowing the other’s voice would carry through the apartment when he responded.  
  
“I’m fine, calm down,” Hyunjoong frowned, washing and rinsing before sticking his hand out of the shower, feeling around where the towel usually was, but his hand met tile instead of cotton. He leaned out of the shower and looked around. “Saeng I need a towel.”   
  
Youngsaeng returned a moment later, another glass of water in one hand and a couple of pills in the other. “I brought you one for in case you start to feel sick later anyway. The other is for your head.” He reached under the sink and grabbed a towel, handing it to Hyunjoong before walking out of the room again.  
  
Hyunjoong dried off and took one of the pills. “You’re not trying to kill me for getting married, right?” he mumbled, walking into the bedroom again.   
  
“What?” Youngsaeng asked. “Just take them.” The younger left the bedroom to take a quick shower, checking the clock on the wall as he got out. “Did you call Joo Eun?” He asked, loud enough for the other to hear.  
  
“We’re not going to be late,” Hyunjoong said, pulling on his shirt and buttoning it up before pulling on his pants and tucking his shirt in, slipping his belt on. “Things happen for a reason,” he muttered.   
  
Youngsaeng ignored Hyunjoong’s mumbling, hurrying to get ready. He couldn’t seem to shake his nervousness for the upcoming events of the day.   
  
Hyunjoong went into the bathroom as Youngsaeng was finishing up on his hair. He touched one of Youngsaeng’s earrings and brushed his finger down the younger one’s cheek. “You should wear the cross ones,” he said softly.   
  
“I’ll have to find them.” Youngsaeng said, locking eyes with the other in the mirror.  
  
Hyunjoong leaned over and pressed a kiss to Youngsaeng’s cheek and turned to head back to the bedroom. “I saw them on your dresser the other day.”   
  
“Will you grab them for me, please?” He looked at himself in the mirror, but not in the eyes. He couldn’t face himself. He leaned against the sink for a second and took a shaky breath before turning and shutting the door quietly, locking it.  
  
Hyunjoong picked up the earrings, turning to see the door to the bathroom close. He frowned and walked over, hanging his head when the knob didn’t turn. “Saengie...”   
  
“Just a minute...” The younger responded, just loud enough. He stared down at the sink, his fists clenched as he leaned against them. He knew he shouldn’t be acting like this, especially since they were already running late...  _running late for Hyunjoong’s wedding_. He took another deep breath before turning and unlocking the door, not bothering to open it.  
  
Hyunjoong opened it and came in slowly, concern on his face as he walked over to Youngsaeng and turned the younger to face him. He replaced each of Youngsaeng’s earrings and held his face in his hands, smiling softly at him.   
  
“I love you, Saengie. I need you to remember that today more than any other day of our lives.” He reached down and took Youngsaeng’s hands, kissing each of them before pulling Youngsaeng into his arms and holding him for a moment. “Please don’t forget it.”  
  
Youngsaeng nodded, his arms wrapping around the other’s waist automatically. “I won’t. I won’t forget.” His chest tightened almost painfully. “Are you ready to go?” His voice hitched as he spoke but he quickly covered it.  
  
“I am,” Hyunjoong nodded. “How’s my tie?”   
  
Youngsaeng’s lips twisted up as his hands moved to Hyunjoong’s chest, straightening the tie. “It’s fine.” He looked him over, his hands moving to Hyunjoong’s arms. “You look perfect.”  
  
“That’s good. You look beyond amazing,” Hyunjoong smiled. “Come on, I’ll drive. Or rather, I’ll speed.”  
  
Youngsaeng smiled and nodded, following the other through the apartment, stopping to grab his keys and hand them to Hyunjoong.  
  
Hyunjoong got them there in record time, only to sit and stare at the emptiness of the place. “Really? We aren’t even late. It’s the right day right? It’s not one yet is it?”   
  
Youngsaeng checked his watch, shaking his head and frowning. “I told you to call her...”   
  
Hyunjoong got out of the car and didn’t wait for Youngsaeng to follow before he crossed the street and ran inside the building. Once he was inside he looked around at the few people inside and shooed them away for a minute, grinning at them and signaling for them to keep quiet.   
  
Youngsaeng hurried behind the other, though refusing to run. As he stepped inside he noted the lack of... anything and anyone, except for Hyunjoong. “Is there really no one here?”   
  
“Not a soul.” Hyunjoong shook his head and made his way over to Youngsaeng, fake-tripping and ending up on his knees, his hand clutching Youngsaeng’s arm.   
  
The younger looked down at him in surprise. “Are you okay?” He asked, trying to help him stand.  
  
Hyunjoong stopped Youngsaeng’s hands. “I’m not,” he whispered, looking up at the younger one. “I’m not okay.” He tried to stop his smile but he couldn’t. “I won’t be. I will never be okay without you.” He stood up and took Youngsaeng’s hands again. “I’m not getting married to Joo Eun,” he whispered.  
  
Youngsaeng felt like he’d been slapped, his eyes widening to stare at the other. “You’re  _what_?”  
  
“I’m not getting married. Not to her. Not today. Not ever,” he grinned. “Be mad at me. I’m alright if you’re mad with me. I’m perfectly okay if you’re mad with me. As long as you’re  _with_  me.”   
  
Youngsaeng’s chest felt like it was about to explode. He couldn’t keep his voice steady this time, “Why are you doing this?”  
  
“I’m doing this because I can’t live without you. I don’t want to marry anyone but you, Saengie. There’s no one else for me, didn’t I tell you that? You’re my only one, my only love. I only want to be with you.”   
  
His leg’s shook and his heart pounded as he worked through what he was just told. “H-how long have you known?”  
  
“A very long, agonizing, horrible, terrible week. Every time you looked sad I wanted to tell you, but...everything was already mostly set up. I reworked most of it, though. Saengie...” Hyunjoong took Youngsaeng’s face in his hands and smiled at the expression on the younger one’s face. “Heo Youngsaeng...will you marry me?”   
  
Youngsaeng couldn’t stop the tears prickling at his eyes as he choked on a sob, his hands reaching up to take Hyunjoong’s. “You’re so stupid.”  
  
“I know...I know I am,” Hyunjoong chuckled. “I’m stupid in love, that’s the worst combination.”  
  
Youngsaeng punched him in the chest weakly. “Yes,” He whispered, closing his eyes to hold back tears.   
  
Hyunjoong pulled him into a tight hug and held him there for a few minutes. “So, it’s okay to let everyone come out now?” Hyunjoong asked.   
  
Youngsaeng pulled back slightly, giving the other a quizzical look. “What? ‘Everyone’?”   
  
“Well there’s...the official to conduct the wedding and a couple of our friends as witnesses...” Hyunjoong listed.   
  
“You mean... You wanted to marry me...  _today_?” Youngsaeng asked.  
  
Hyunjoong looked at his watch and looked around at the inside of the wedding hall and then looked at himself and finally at Youngsaeng again. “Are you otherwise engaged?” He smiled.   
  
Youngsaeng bit his lip with a smile then shook his head, looking down before looking up sharply. “Is that why I’m wearing white?”  
  
Hyunjoong gave a slow shrug of one shoulder. “It might have been part of the plan...”   
  
“Yah...” Youngsaeng punched him again, harder this time. “Babo.”  
  
“Seriously though, Saengie...if you don’t want to do it today we don’t have to, just know that we can.”   
  
Youngsaeng glared for a second longer before breaking into a smile. “Ani,” He said softly, pulling the other close. “Today.” He used a hand on the back of Hyunjoong’s neck to pull him into a kiss.  
  
“Yah! You’re not supposed to kiss until the service is over,” a voice called.  
  
Hyunjoong turned his head and chuckled, Jaejoong standing at the end of the walkway with his hands on his hips. “Oops.” He looked at Youngsaeng again and took his hands. “Shall we?”   
  
Youngsaeng smiled shyly, his head dipping. “You first.”  
  
Hyunjoong took Youngsaeng’s hand in his and squeezed it tightly, walking them toward Jaejoong. “Everything’s ready, right?”  
  
“Yes, everything’s ready, it’s down this way.” Jaejoong led them down a corridor to double doors that swung open revealing the official and three other friends.  
  
Youngsaeng looked around at the others before glancing at Hyunjoong again, biting his lip in anticipation, his heart feeling like it was about to beat out of his chest. As he directed his gaze forward again, he felt like he was dreaming. In that moment, as they stepped forward together, everything felt surreal to him. He thought to pinch himself, but decided against it.  
  
“Oh,” Hyunjoong said suddenly, “Here.” He reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out a chain with two rings on it. “I almost forgot these,” he smirked.   
  
Youngsaeng turned to pull the chain from his neck, taking the rings in his hand and looking at them closely, his mouth slightly ajar. “I was going to ask if you had them...” He trailed off before looking up at the other. “They’re perfect.”  
  
Hyunjoong smiled at him and put his arm around Youngsaeng’s waist as the officiant started the service. It was over in minutes and Hyunjoong couldn’t stop his smile when he pushed the ring onto Youngsaeng’s finger. He kicked himself inside for not having done this sooner.   
  
Youngsaeng noted the smile as he mirrored the other’s actions, he himself smiling back warmly.   
  
They both turned to look expectantly at the official who nodded with a smile. “You may now kiss the groom.”  
  
Hyunjoong took Youngsaeng’s hands and pulled him close, smiling at him for a moment. “I love you.”  
  
Youngsaeng hummed softly, “I’m glad, because now you’re stuck with me.” He wrapped his arms around the other’s neck, grinning as he pulled him even closer. “I love you, too.” He closed the distance between them, their lips molding together. They were only like that for a moment, but to them it felt much longer.  
  
“Okay, you guys, um, that’s great and all, but...where’s the party at?”   
  
Hyunjoong pulled away and looked at Youngsaeng. “In my arms,” he said, looking over at the few there. “And it’s a private party, you’re not invited.”   
  
Youngsaeng hit him lightly on the back, the small smile playing at his lips ruining the affect of his disapproving look.  
  
“Well it’s true...” Hyunjoong chuckled. “Saengie can pick since he really didn’t have a lot of say in today. What should we do? It’s up to you.”   
  
Youngsaeng shook his head and waved his hands, “Aniyo!” He said with a smile. “I like the decisions you’ve made today.” He turned to the others, “What do you want to do?”  
  
“Well there wasn’t really a reception planned, just in case things didn’t work out,” Yunho said. “So there’s really nothing waiting. We could go get some drinks, we could go get dinner. I don’t know about you guys but I’m hungry.”  
  
“We haven’t eaten. We actually woke up late,” Hyunjoong admitted. “Let’s do that,” he nodded. Youngsaeng nodded in agreement and they headed off to celebrate their wedding over dinner.   
  
~  
  
Youngsaeng stretched out on his side next to Hyunjoong, his leg nudging between the other’s and his head resting on his chest. He lazily circled a finger around the nipple in front of him as he thought about the day. He sighed quietly, content. Hyunjoong’s arm wound around his waist and pulled him closer to press against him fully.   
  
The younger lifted his head to kiss Hyunjoong’s chin. “There aren’t anymore secrets, are there?” he whispered softly.   
  
Hyunjoong huffed but smiled down at the other as he lifted his free hand to still the one on his chest. “No, no more secrets. Just you and me.” He entwined their fingers and brought Youngsaeng’s hand up to kiss the ring he had placed there earlier in the day. “Just you and me and us forever.”  
  
“Promise?” Youngsaeng whispered. Hyunjoong squeezed him tightly and kissed him deeply.  
  
“I swear.”  
  
~  
  
The End


End file.
